Ok. I have a question for any of you who might have gone through a miscarriage or a situation similar to ours. Specifically if you had older children at the time. Since the day that we got the diagnosis, one of my biggest concerns was, "How do we explain this to Brother?" Obviously Sissy (just turned one) is too young for this to really be an issue with her. But Big Brother just turned three, and those of you that know him well would probably agree that he's not your average 3 year old. He is extremely verbal and observant and comprehends concepts and ideas that are above his age. I don't say that to boast (of course a momma has to brag a little :) )--I just want to give you the background info. So how do explain to a very aware 3 year old that when mommy goes to the hospital to have the baby, we don't get to bring it home?? My approach thus far is to just not talk about the baby in front of him anymore. Where we used to always give the baby kisses and talk to it, I have just not brought it up to him. Before tonight, he hasn't brought it up either. But tonight, as I was tucking him in, he said, "Can I tell the baby goodnight?" Then he lifted up my shirt and yelled (because i guess he thinks the baby can't hear if he doesn't?), "Night Night, BABY!!" Then he asked if the baby was coming out soon....and my heart broke a little bit more.
He was with us at the ultrasound and wondered why mommy was a blubbering idiot. All I told him at that time was that the baby was sick. He said, "Hmm. what do you think would make the baby feel better? I know!! Lightning would make him feel better!" So he took his brand new lightning mcqueen toy car and put it on my belly. *sigh* what a precious, tender hearted, sweet boy.
So I ask of you....do you have any words of wisdom to share?
Mica, my heart just broke reading this. We will be praying for your family's healing in this time of loss. I have found that sometimes kids can handle a little more of the truth than we want to give them. And Carter always seems to sense when something is wrong. I think I would tell him in a age-appropriate and gentle way what happened and that it is ok to be sad about it. I know it must be hard deciding what to do, but I will pray that Lord will give you the words to say.
ReplyDeleteLove and blessings,
Julie
My son is very much like yours. He is very aware for his age and just knows when something is not quite right. I have found that telling him upfront, age-appropriately the truth works best. Of course, we have not had anything so dramatic happen so it is a whole lot more sensitive for your family. I think talking openly about the baby being "sick" is a good idea and let him ask the questions he needs answered. I would explain that Jesus might need this sweet baby a little faster than some others and go from there. If he is anything like Isaac he will go out about his play and later ask a question here and there. He can handle the truth especially when he has such loving parents to guide him. This could also be a great opportunity for him to learn to trust the Lord through prayer. He sounds like an absolute sweet angel. Those are just my thoughts. Like I said, I have never experienced something so life-changing. You are in my thoughts consantly and my family prays each night for your baby when we are putting our kids to bed. In Christ, Miranda
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