Convo with Big Bro

I finally decided that it was time to talk to my son about our baby situation. After much prayer and consideration, I decided that the best approach for him would be to bring up the subject, but not delve into a deep discussion about it. That way, at least he knows the gist of it, and it would allow us to discuss it down the road in small bits so that we didn't overwhelm him. I waited til Sissy was napping and he and I were in his room playing puzzles. Our conversation went something like this:

Me-Hey buddy, come sit on my lap. I need to talk to you about something.
He came and snuggled up on my lap.
Me-Do you remember how Sissy used to be in my belly? And then, we went to a hospital and got her out and we got to hold her and love on her? Then we brought her home for a long time and she got real big??
Bro-(nodding)-But she's not as big as me!
Me--Of course! Because you are WAY big!     Well, sometimes, when babies are in mommy's bellies, they are hurt or sick. Our baby is kind of sick. When she comes out, we might not get to hold her for very long, or bring her home with us. She is going to go to Heaven and live with Jesus. In Heaven, she will not be hurt anymore.
Bro--(in a very calm, matter-of-fact voice)  No, I don't want that.
Me--uh, Which part do you not want Bubby?
Bro--I don't want that to happen. I want her.
Me--I know Bub. I want her too.
Bro--I want to see her
Me--Well, we will get to see her, just not for very long.
Bro--(with a satisfied shake of his head)  Oh. Ok

He then quickly shifted his attention back to his puzzle. As he played, I told him that "The baby in momma's belly" (as we tended to call it) is a girl and we named her Bella Faith. He liked the idea of having a name for her and has called her by name often since. We also touched on the fact that Mommy and Daddy might be sad and it is ok if he is sad too. And if he ever has any questions or wants to talk about it, I am here.

As we had this conversation, I carefully gauged his reactions and responses. I didn't want to overwhelm him, or give him more information than he needed. He seemed to process it pretty well. Since then, he has talked to her quite a bit (I have to pretend to be Bella talking back to him so that he can have very long conversations about his cars, etc. with her). He also likes to kiss her goodnight. If he bumps into my belly, he'll say "Sorry Bella!"  And one time, I opened his door to get him up in the morning and he immediately threw his favorite Blankie at me. I was about to scold him for throwing stuff at me, when he said, "You can have it. It's for your baby. It will make her feel better." And then I had to work at not turning into a puddle of mush on the floor.

So, overall, I think he gets it. While we talk about the baby, I try to avoid saying that she is his "sissy" or "baby sister." He tends to refer to it as "Your Baby." I think that might be better for him not to take as much ownership in her, or become too attached to her.

Sissy, of course is wonderfully oblivious. She has served to be a nice distraction for me in many ways. One, she keeps me on my toes. She is constantly climbing on top of chairs (occasionally falling out of them onto her head!) And she is incredibly demanding. I am really trying to get her to start using some words b/c she just yells when she wants something. Like most mothers, I know exactly what she is wanting 90% of the time, but that yell gets very old. I have at least started making her utilize her sign language more often. I love seeing her sweet little hand say "please." Never too early to learn some manners right. The second way that she is a nice distraction, is that for the most part, she is still my tiny baby girl. When I see a new baby in the grocery store or at church, I am sometimes surprised that I don't just burst into tears right on the spot. Then, I look in my arms and snuggle my own sweet little baby girl. Not that she replaces the baby I might lose, but it is nice to not have completely empty arms as I go through this grief. Just one of the many blessings that God has given me to help me through this time.