A Pity Party Complete With Fireworks

I haven't posted in a while for many reasons. Happy reason--we've been celebrating birthdays and the Fourth of July and spending time with family!! Sad reason--I have been having a big pity party lately and I hate getting on here and rambling on like Debbie Downer. For the sake of journaling, however, I feel like it's important to remember the times when I am sad as well as the happy times with Bella--so here I am.

I'm not even sure why I am so down lately. (I mean, besides the obvious of course). I think part of it has to do with our approaching doctor appointment. I am anxious about the answers we might get and dreading the fact that we might not get any answers. I have been having serious doubts as to whether we are doing all that we can be doing for our baby. Are we talking to the right doctors? Are we asking the right questions? Am I doing a good enough job as her mother?

I am also coming to the realization that while our life seems to be on hold--frozen in this time of confusion and waiting--the world around us just keeps on going. I remember my mother talking about her time of grief after her mother passed away. She said like she felt alone in a crowd. How could the rest of the world be happy when she was so sad? I get that now. I know that people's hearts are good, but sometimes when I'm in a group of people--even family--and no one even acknowledges the fact that i'm pregnant, I feel like screaming. If everything was ok with the baby, people would LOVE to talk about it. Have I picked a name? Have I decorated a nursery? What are my plans..etc etc. But in my case, I think people are afraid to bring it up. I totally see where they are coming from.  I just feel....alone.

On a lighter note.... :)
We had a great 4th of July weekend. These two little firecrackers light up my world.

Yeah, looking at those definitely makes me feel a little better. So, we work to make it through another week. Luckily, this one holds some fun in the days ahead. Following our looming appointment on Thursday, we will have dinner with friends, a night of fun at Pelican Bay, and hosting a fun family cookout. Please keep us in your prayers on Thursday. Our appointment is at 2 o'clock. 

Thanks, Mica