Bella's Birth Story: Part Two

Tuesday August 30th, 2011
7:30pm

When it finally sunk in that today would be Bella's birthday, tears were the first response, followed by a deep breath. I had to have a clear head to get everything worked out, all the details in place. We felt God's hand so strongly over the next hour or so because everything just worked out so perfectly. We began calling family, telling them to get on the road. My parents lived an hour and a half away, my sister 45 min, and at the time, my Brother was about 3 hours away. My hubby's family was all about an hour away. We also tried to think through who would be taking care of the kids and called as many friends as possible to let them know. We still had not made a decision at this point how Bella would be delivered. I have mentioned before on my blog that it has always been a stressful topic for me. A C-section would give her a better chance of being born alive, but it would not necessarily change the outcome. It would obviously be a much harder recovery for me. A vaginal delivery could be physically traumatic for Bella, and therefore, emotionally traumatic for me. I had been praying all along that somehow, the decision would be clear in the end--that I wouldn't have to make that difficult call. I thought, that maybe with the fact that she was 9 weeks early, the c-section question would be taken off the table. In my mind, she was smaller, so a vaginal delivery would be much easier than if she were full term. Then we decided to do a quick ultrasound to determine her position, because last we knew, she was breech. After a quick scan and one last peek at that perfect little profile, the tech determined that she was breech/transverse. One more call to my doctor and the nurse came back and said, We are doing a C-section.  She may never know what a blessing it was to me that she said it in that way. If she had said, well, is that ok?, I would have had to make the call. But they made the call for me--God answered another prayer.

She quickly began preparing me for the surgery, starting an IV and fluids. I frantically began another round of phone calls. After realizing that my parents would not make it in time, we pushed the time back further. Bella would be born at 9:45. Somehow, in the craziest half hour of my life, God gave me enough clarity to get the word out as much as possible and get people lined up to watch my kids (another blessing was that by now, they were both in bed. My sweet neighbor came over to sit with them so that my friend could come be with me.) Friends began to show up. After 30 min of frantic calling/texting/FB posting, I made myself put down my phone and just trust God to work out the rest according to His plan. I needed time to prepare for the coming hours. It was such a blessing as our room filled with church family and friends, and my Sister (My AWESOME Sister, might I add). When it came time to head back for surgery, my parents were still in route. I called my mom to comfort her and tell her that it would be fine. She would arrive while I was in surgery and be there to see her baby and her grandbaby when I got out. I put her on speaker phone while members of our church, joined by my awesome nurses, prayed over us. Then, we headed back to the operating room.

The nurse that would be with me during the surgery and through the night was named Janice and she was amazing. Such a kind and loving woman. My "baby nurse" would be Becky. Becky came to introduce herself prior to the surgery and told me that she too had been in my shoes--she had lost her baby boy. I told her I was so sorry that she knew how I was feeling, but what a blessing to have someone who understood. As Janice wheeled me to the OR, I realized that I had never even thought through the actual surgery or what was about to go on as far as I was concerned. I told Janice and she said, "Don't even worry about it. You just think about that baby and we'll take care of you."  My husband had to wait outside while they prepped me and gave me the spinal block. I know that it was the longest 15 min of his life. I was so nervous that I was trembling. I was relieved when the spinal set in and stilled my nerves. All of the nurses and the anesthesiologist were so kind. They obviously knew what was about to happen and answered all of my questions with such tenderness and kindness. When they were ready, my husband joined me and they began the surgery. It seemed like it took forever!! I was asking questions the whole time. At one point I asked my doctor what he was doing and he said, "Oh, just moving your bladder flap out of the way" and I thought, "OK! maybe that's enough with the questions, Mica!"   After what seemed like an eternity, (and after a LOT of pushing and pulling) he announced that she was out. I was able to see the baby bed from where I was lying and I could just barely see her little head. "Is she alive?" I asked. The nurses told me that were heart was beating faintly, and she was trying unsuccessfully to take in some breaths. It wouldn't be long, they told me. They wrapped her up, gave her to her daddy and he brought her to me. I could only move one arm and I just remember trying to touch as much of her as possible. I remember asking my husband to lay her right by my face. She was absolutely beautiful. Her condition was just like they thought it would be, but swaddled in a receiving blanket, she looked just like any other newborn, although about 1/3 of the size. We would learn later that she weighed 2 lbs 15 oz. She was my precious tiny beautiful baby girl. We spent the entirety of her life telling her how much we loved her and kissing every inch of her face and her tiny little hands. Our awesome nurse Becky took a ton of pictures on our camera that I am so grateful for. We could hardly help but to just stare at her. She looked so much like her big sister. She had the most beautiful little lips and her mouth was open the tiniest bit. And she had SO much hair!! Beautiful black hair! She was such an amazing miracle. After about 10 min, the nurses took her again and verified that her heart was no longer beating. 10 minutes. Not nearly enough minutes.

The nurses cleaned her up a little more and wrapped her in a fresh blanket. The doctor finished sewing me up and they moved me onto my bed. The greatest moment was when they got me settled, sat me up, and handed me my baby girl. Although she was so tiny, she fit just perfectly in my arms. I knew that no matter how long I was able to hold her, it would not be long enough. I was determined to cherish every single second.

As they rolled me out of the OR and toward my hospital room, we passed through the waiting room. I will never forget feeling the amount of love that was overflowing that room. I was so proud to show off my Bella as we passed through the crowd. Long-time friends, family, members of our small group, several girls from my bible study, as well as the small crowd that had joined us prior to surgery. We felt so loved and so blessed that that many people had come to meet our Bella. I remember asking, "where are my parents??" and someone told me that they were waiting for me in my room. What an amazing moment to enter my room and see my parents and my sister waiting for me. I am blessed with many wonderful friends, but my mom and sis are my very best girlfriends. I was so glad to get to share that time with them. I remember asking for some warm washcloths so that I could clean off Bella's sweet little face so she would be ready for her guests.

After the nurse got me settled in my room, we were able to spend some time with my family and they were all able to hold Miss Bella. My sister took tons of pics the whole evening and also managed to dote on me, feeding me ice chips and holding my barf bag when the anesthesia got the worst of me. Then, they stepped out and my in-laws got to come in and see her for a while. And then everyone else came in and I got to show off my sweet baby. Our wonderful friend who married my husband and I (and drove in from an hour away!) joined us all in prayer as he prayed over us and beautiful Bella. It was absolutely perfect. Such a peaceful time filled with so much love.

By then, it was after 11pm and everyone said their goodbyes and headed home. My parents and sister hung around for a while. Nurse Becky asked if I would like her to clean Bella up and dress her. I had always thought that I would want to bathe her, but at that time, I was not quite ready to see everything under her blanket. I did know that I wanted to be the one to dress her in the gown I had made for her so I asked if there was anything else she could wear. "we will pick out something perfect for her" said Becky. My mother and sister joined Becky, armed with my camera so that I wouldn't miss out on any details. I was so glad that they had that special time with Bella. It was such a blessing to later look at the pics of them weighing her and measuring her. They dressed her in a beautiful ivory gown and took tons of pictures. They also took pictures of her precious hands and feet and even her ears. No detail was overlooked and I was so grateful. I think the fact that Becky had experienced a similar situation helped her to realize all of the things that I might want to record. Becky even made Bella a tiny little pink bracelet that spelled out "Bella Faith." They also took tons of footprints and handprints, both for the frame I had brought as well as many extras. My husband even joined them for a while. Since the beginning, he had been very nervous about seeing her "anomolies." While we had looked at pictures on the internet of what we might expect, he was nervous about seeing these things on his baby girl. I had worried that if he didn't look at every part, he might regret it in the end. I was so glad, as was he, that he had a perfect opportunity to do that.

It was close to midnight when they finished bathing and photographing her. Her daddy had been up since 4:30 that morning and had passed out on the couch. My mother and father headed back to my house to relieve our neighbor and check on the kids. My sister stayed for a few more minutes and then headed back to her babies. So it was just me and Bella.

What a precious time to get to spend with her. I was so excited to see her all cleaned up and in her little white dress. I just sat there for over 2 hours holding her and looking at her. It was nearly 3am when I finally turned off the light to go to sleep because I just couldn't stop looking at her. I think I was probably trying to capture every square inch of her face in my memory for all of eternity. Sleep finally came and I spent the night with my precious baby girl on my chest as close to my face as I could hold her. It was a wonderful night.